I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
'Careful with that light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train coming.'
'don't drink and drive you might spill your beer'
Constipated People Don't Give A crap.
I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Anger is one letter short of danger.
Treat me like an angel and I will be your little devil.
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
'If you die, I'll kill you!'
A repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOES NoT WORK)
Always behave like a DUCK - keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath. Jacob M. Braude
Our earth is degenerate in these latter days; bribery and corruption are common; children no longer obey their parents; and the end of the world is evidently approaching. - on a Sumerian Clay tablet, 3000 B.C
A wild goose never reared a tame gosling.
After the game, the king and pawn go into the same box
'This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.'
'He's so clumsy, he could trip over a cordless phone'
He has left his body to science - and science is contesting the will - David Frost
I have read/taken the following quotes from
2) the book from the Readers Digest stable called 'Treasury of WIT & HUMOUR'